Silence invites spacious awareness
In preparation for Silence, the “controller”
Becomes cranky and loud~ all the reasons
For not giving myself the gift of Silence are
Marched out onto the floor, examined and re examined stating their cases stronger and stronger why I’m needed to stay in my place and perform my duties
OMG! I’m so needed!
But, I made a promise and I keep my promises.
Giovanni wants to support me in being happy and free so he’s encouraging me to go into the Silence~
Out of integrity I made my 2 night reservations~ the controller within was making sure I’d feel like this was hard work.
The plan was set~ I left for the ocean and my three days in Silence and simply being with myself~
The cacophony of loud inner critics, mostly emphasizing how little I truly deserved, they carried on within my head through the middle of the first night~
I didn’t sleep more than 3 hours, awakened by these inner voices which are so practiced with making sure I realize that unless I am “contributing”, “performing” “doing” and being “productive” I truly have no reason for being here and I must feel the shame of thinking any other way~
That was the strongest~ SHAME at thinking that I had any right at all to have my own thoughts, be with the spaciousness of my WHOLE BEING~
Wide awake @ 3:00 am in the hotel room~ the lights feel too bright~
I did bring Emerson, Week 22 of the Master Keys, but I’m not able to get myself to focus on reading~
Then I remember I AM WHOLE, PERFECT, STRONG, POWERFUL, LOVING, HARMONIOUS AND HAPPY~
The many nights of repeating this when falling asleep, those times during the day when challenges would arise and I’d remember this truth~ this TRUTH! This is the TRUTH!
The light in the room has softened, my body acknowledges a deeper relaxation, I feel this inner alignment staying with the truth, breaking away from the tyrannical devourer, my own preciousness begins to feel it’s shining light~
The second day~ mid day~ actually third time at the Jacuzzi and swimming pool~ when lifting my right arm into a long forward moving stroke, I felt the freedom~
The spaciousness opened up behind my eyes and I simply “got it”~ there’s nothing that controls “me”
So what really matters in my life? What do I truly desire to create? The clarity of being separate from all of the “weight”, form, limitations simply let me “KNOW” I’m not any of that~
I am the light, I am the spaciousness, I am the LOVE
Being who I am let’s me create
What DOES Silence Give?
Silence gives me back to myself~
As I walk back into my life, The Spaciousness from within hasn’t diminished. It remains with me in this knowing that it is me. I feel my engagement even freer with every interaction, the range of expression feels more vast and there’s no limiting identities
I feel love I feel Peace I feel Harmony
Silence is the GIFT
This gift gives me a new commitment to no longer be willing to be distracted in the familiar ways that keeps me from knowing how powerful, strong, loving, harmonious and happy that I am.
I have a clarity that’s allowing me to simply stay focused on simply doing the activities which allow my true purpose of inviting others to move into their alignment of their true power. This is my joy in this lifetime!
“Have you ever sat very silently, not with your attention fixed on anything, not making an effort to concentrate, but with the mind very quiet, really still? Then you hear everything, don’t you? You hear the far off noises as well as those that are nearer and those that are very close by, the immediate sounds – which means really that you are listening to everything. Your mind is not confined to one narrow little channel. If you can listen in this way, listen with ease, without strain, you will find an extraordinary change taking place within you, a change that comes without your volition, without you asking; and in that change there is great beauty and depth of insight.”20
Letters to the Schools, Volume Two: p.71
20 JKrishnamurti This Matter of Culture, Chapt. 4